Selfie Charity insults true charities

Individuals soliciting charity for themselves are everywhere. The requests range from the heart-rending (people who cannot afford food or medical care) to the grabby ( well-heeled newlyweds who don’t want to pay for that honeymoon).

What is new is these individuals’ claims to be doing the good works associated with a charitable organization.

Even the person who used to ask, “Brother, can you spare a dime?” now appeals to you to “Help the homeless” — implying that anything you give will benefit more than the person making the request. In many ways, it is the natural progression of the panhandler who appeared not far from the White House some years ago with a sandwich-board sign that claimed status as a 501(c)(3).

The newlyweds, by contrast, provide the tools that charities introduced to make giving more convenient : one-click shopping from their registry or direct deposit to their bank account.

Miss Manners recognizes that, unlike those newlyweds, many of our citizens are in genuine need. Charity is a touchy subject because one is forced to confront real suffering and to parse the genuine from the not.

But the Selfie Charity — the pretense of being a corporation, not the act of asking for help — is a cheat.

The motivation behind such actions is easy to understand. “Professionalizing the ask” converts even a solvent beggar into a doer of good works. It excuses any lingering embarrassment, allowing ever-greater fundraising goals. And it reduces the act to a commercial transaction.

Not only is this disingenuous, not only can it be used to justify greed and ingratitude, but it demeans the work done by actual charities.

Charities selflessly work on behalf of others. The requests of an individual can only be justified by great need.

It is also ridiculous to think that professional charities do not express gratitude. Among the successful ones, saying “thank you” is one of their major activities. If your relatives are willing to pay the down payment on your new house, you have to be grateful. If you must have a reason to do so, let’s agree that it’s good for business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

Is it appropriate for the father of the bride to walk her down the aisle when it is a second marriage?

GENTLE READER: As this is an archaic ritual anyway — neither father nor bride being under the illusion that she is his to give away — why not?

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.