Don’t let guest dominate dinner party

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I have dinner with a small group of longtime friends who come together once or twice a year to touch base. One person in the group tends to dominate the conversation with greatly detailed storytelling of mishaps and adventures of family members and friends.

I believe I speak for the others in the group as well — as I recognize the glaze in their eyes and the curious questions ceasing — that we’d all like a chance to contribute and catch up.

For example, I want to hear about everyone’s newest grandchild, latest hobby or how they’re coping with an aging parent, but it’s hard to get past this one long-winded person. Can you suggest a delicate way to redirect the conversation without being rude?

GENTLE READER: Even when a dinner party includes a relatively small number of guests, etiquette allows — even expects — many multiple, simultaneous conversations among different groupings. It is natural that at some point in the evening, attention may focus on a single speaker, but not for more than a few minutes.

When your lecturer begins, feel free to start a separate conversation with your next neighbor. If your guests follow your lead, only one or two people need be bored at a time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is engaged and I am over the moon. I have more friends that want to throw a party to celebrate their engagement than invitations allotted to the wedding. I have hosted parties for many of their children in the past and I know they want to do the same for me.

What should I do? Do I let them throw a party even though they will not be invited to the wedding, or do I politely decline?

GENTLE READER: How many of these offers were you planning on accepting? Miss Manners agrees that anyone hosting a party should be invited to the wedding. Everyone else can be thanked but told that a party is already scheduled.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family received a save-the-date card in the mail for an upcoming bar mitzvah. The save-the-date card remains posted in our kitchen, but no invitation was received. The party is now only two weeks away. What to do?

GENTLE READER: Having been asked to save the date, it is only reasonable of you to assume that an invitation would be forthcoming.

You should therefore inquire directly. If the omission was not innocent — for example, an attempt to solicit gifts without an invitation — you will find out soon enough.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.