Toddler’s noise has neighbor screaming

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I live with our 18-month-old son on the third floor of a 20-unit apartment complex. On weekdays, we both work, leaving our son with a responsible adult.

When we get home and begin to prepare dinner, our son sometimes screams out of excitement or frustration. Of course we do everything we can to prevent this, including taking him outside.

But now our downstairs neighbor has started shouting from her unit for us to quiet our son, sometimes using a harsh tone and words. I have calmly explained that we are doing all we can to keep our son quiet but that it is not possible at all times, that we understand that the noise upsets her and that it upsets us.

Her response is to continue to shout from her balcony. She even suggested that if we spent more time with our son, he would be more quiet.

While I am sympathetic to our neighbor, I feel this comment was offensive to both myself and my wife, as we would both prefer to be at home with our son.

The neighbor’s comments have caused our family stress, but I do not see any point in further dialogue between balconies. Accordingly, we have decided to simply ignore our neighbor and carry on as best we can. I am not sure what further action we should take. Does Miss Manners have any advice for us?

GENTLE READER: Your neighbor’s comment was impolite, but perhaps she is tired. And perhaps she noticed that, instead of apologizing for the noise, you chose to explain to her that babies sometimes cry.

You should apologize and — for the sake of the other 18 tenants — do so in writing. This will also give you the opportunity to say that, while you are doing your best to calm your son, your neighbor’s shouting from the balcony exacerbates the situation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How long after the death of a relative does one offer condolences? When I mention in conversation to an acquaintance that my mother died 28 years ago, he or she almost always says, “Oh, I’m sorry.”

GENTLE READER:

Deaths that occurred a very long time ago and, so far as you know, in the natural course do not require acknowledgment beyond a sympathetic mien.

The acknowledgment itself can be large or small, tailored to the bearing of the person revealing the information. But Miss Manners notes that there is never any harm in expressing sympathy for a loss when you first learn of it.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.