Searching for polite way to avoid hugs

DEAR ABBY: Iamnota hugger. But people think

I’m rude when I don’t open my arms to hug after they’ve opened theirs. And they think I’m rude when I tell them I’m not a hugger. Although I let the hugs happen, I’m usually holding my breath the whole time.

Once I’ve “Hey girl’d” someone and offered my warmest smile, what more can I do? I don’t want people I like to think I’m not happy to see them. But I’m fed up with participating in this ritual that makes me so uncomfortable. If there’s a polite, clear way to convey this without seeming cold, please let me know what it is. — Bracing for the Embrace

DEAR BRACING: I think you should simply tell the huggers that you become claustrophobic when people hug you, and that your reluctance isn’t personal. If you make it about you rather than them, it shouldn’t come across as rejection.

DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law are splitting up. I’m devastated for them and my two young grandchildren.

Although we’ve always had a great relationship, I’m terrified that my daughterin-law will not want me to visit after the divorce.

What can I do to maintain a good relationship with her while staying on good terms with my son? — Heartsick in the West

DEAR HEARTSICK: The last thing you need is to get caught in the middle. Try your level best not to take sides, and be sure to give your almost-ex-daughter-inlaw her space.

Assure her that you care about her and that you deeply regret that the marriage didn’t work out. Tell her you have grown to love her as a daughter and hope that you will always be close. Do NOT discuss any intimate details or assign blame, and try to keep your visits upbeat while concentrating on your grandchildren.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I will attend a weekend wedding. We will meet a large number of people for the first time.

I have a hard time remembering names. I suggested to my wife that I carry a pocket-size notebook and write down names followed by a brief description. She thinks it’s a great idea, as long as no one catches me doing it. I think, in addition to being practical, it will provide a bit of humor to the occasion. What say you? — Sensible In Seattle

DEAR SENSIBLE: I agree with your wife. Be discreet, if you can. Rather than carry a notebook, it might be less obvious if you enter or dictate the information in the notes section of your phone.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.