Hallmark movie drinking game keeps things merry
If there’s comfort in the familiar, that makes the formulaic — and wildly popular — Hallmark Christmas movies the cozy sweatpants of winter television.
If you want to spice up your next viewing (the movies are on pretty much 24/7 this time of year on the Hallmark Channel and Hallmark Movies & Mysteries), here’s a drinking game to keep you alert to all the subtle nuances of a classic Hallmark plot.
And because we’re talking Hallmark Christmas movies here, the recommended beverage is, of course, hot chocolate. If you’d like to spike it with a little Kahlua or bourbon, we can’t be responsible for what happens.
Ready? Hit play.
■ If the main plot of the movie takes place in a small town, take one drink. If that small town is in New England, take another drink.
■ Is one of the main characters an outsider who ends up in that town by accident or because of an obligation? Drink up. If that obligation is a Christmas wedding, drink again.
■ Has someone lost his Christmas spirit?
Take a drink. If he lost his Christmas spirit because his “love” broke up with him on Christmas, take a drink. If it’s because his “love” died at Christmas, drink. If it’s because a parent left when he was a kid — at Christmas — drink again. If it’s because he accidentally killed his brother while ice skating at Christmas, you’re watching a repeat of the Harry Connick Jr. one (“Angels Sing,” 2013), which may not even be a Hallmark movie, but it’s so good.
■ Speaking of … does someone die in the movie? This is rare and deserves four good drinks.
Are you OK?
■ Is there a love triangle? Take a drink. If one part of the triangle is a city slicker focused on a hectic career, take another drink. (Also, don’t get attached to him.)
■ If there’s magic involved — a magical stocking, magical ornaments, a magical snow globe, guardian angel, etc. — take two drinks.
■ If the primary male love interest is a farmer, carpenter or just someone who works with his hands, take a drink. If he drives a pickup truck or Jeep, take another drink. If he wears flannel, then … never mind, we don’t want you to die.
■ Is the male love interest descended from royalty, he falls for a commoner and his family disapproves but comes to appreciate her genuineness? Two drinks. (We’ll also accept “snobby rich people” in the place of “royalty.”)
■ Is there an AfricanAmerican best friend or assistant? Two good drinks.
■ If one of the main characters is a good-looking single dad or mom, take two drinks. If the mom or dad is single because his or her spouse died tragically, take another drink. If that spouse died near Christmastime, take another drink. If the little kid from this union is a horrible brat, check your channel because you’re not watching Hallmark.
■ If the adorable kid in the movie is a niece or nephew, take two drinks.
Better eat some cookies, because it looks like you need some food on your stomach. That reminds us …
■ If a baking contest is part of the plot, take a drink. If it’s ice-sculpting, take two drinks. If the main character loses the contest, three drinks.
■ Does one of the main stars have a dog? Drink. A cat? Two drinks.
■ Are the main characters in the movie old high school sweethearts who drifted apart? Take a drink. Was it an ugly breakup? Juicy! Two drinks.
■ If there’s a ghost of some kind, take three drinks.
■ Do you recognize one of the actors from an old TV show? Drink. Is it from another Hallmark movie? Drink. Did you just Google that person? Drink. Is he or she Canadian? Drink!
■ Does the small town in the movie have a big festival, Christmas parade or holiday show for which it is famous? Drink. Is that festival, parade or show in danger of not happening this year? Take another drink. If it’s because of a blizzard, drink again.
How do you feel? Pull yourself together because another movie starts in two minutes.