Vile ‘Father Figures’ a total waste of time
“Father Figures” starts with an uninspired plot, moves along on a wave of crude jokes and finishes with an ending that’s completely unsatisfying and viciously cruel.
Just to keep people from wasting time and money on “Father Figures,” it’s tempting to reveal what happens when fraternal twins Kyle (Owen Wilson) and Peter (Ed Helms) go on a quest to discover their father’s identity.
In what passes as the key to Justin Malen’s (“Office Christmas Party”) script, the brothers find out on their mother’s (Glenn
Close) wedding day that she lied about whom their father was. The only clue Mom provides is that she was sexually free in the ’70s and the potential dads are plentiful. She starts them off with the possibility that NFL great Terry Bradshaw (who portrays himself ) could be the one.
What transpires when the brothers confront Bradshaw is an example of how any hint of logic must be ignored to keep the story moving.
With each potential dad — from the lowlife played by J.K. Simmons (who deserves much better roles than this) to the befuddled vet portrayed by Christopher Walken — the encounters get more pathetic. Malen’s script makes each potential dad nothing more than a stereotype.
The movie’s billed as a comedy, but Malen’s idea of humor includes an adult urinating on a 3-year-old boy, the racial profiling of a hitchhiker, multiple jokes about incest, a complete lack of filter by everyone so that sex is discussed in the vilest way possible, and near-death by locomotive.
Wilson’s performance is the most disappointing. He just turned in one of his most memorable acting efforts in “Wonder,” where he showed he could be funny in a film filled with sentiment.
The crass attempts at humor in “Father Figures” might have played better had first-time director Lawrence Sher gone for the kind of over-the-top approach that made movies such as “The Hangover” work. Instead, Sher treats this fiasco like a sweet tale of brotherly love being guided by a manipulative universe.
“Father Figures” ends on such an infuriating note, it should have been enough to kill the production. The final scene reinforces what a complete waste of time the movie is.