Keeping the peace
Here’s how to get along with family at holiday get-togethers
within families, but the holidays might not be the best time,” said Richards, a four-year professor in CSN’S Department of Human Behavior. “While some families can handle arguing, most don’t manage it very well.”
Here are five tips for a happy holiday gathering, based on insight from both Richards and Hertlein:
Be curious, yet realistic
Listen to others who don’t share similar points of view and ask questions to keep conversations going. Such questions can help everyone find parallels among their beliefs, Hertlein said. At the same time, all people involved should set realistic expectations of conversations to avoid being disappointed with the viewpoints expressed by others.
Be prepared
Richards encourages holiday gatherers to know what to expect from certain family and relatives based on their previous experiences with those people, and to prepare accordingly. Preparation is important not only for relationships, but food and alcohol consumption, she said. Eating and drinking too much may cause added irritability, leading to arguments or thoughts of self-pity.
Be patient; recognize others’ points of view
When viewpoints don’t match our own, it’s easy to respond emotionally, Hertlein said. Certain phrases, even as simple as “I need some time to think about that,” allow extra time for you to reflect and appropriately respond to something you might disagree with.
Patience also means asking open-ended questions, Richards said. For example, instead of asking someone “when are you going to get a real job?” or “when are you going to start a family?” she suggests asking “what are you up to these days?”
Be able to walk away from the situation
If an unproductive conversation is causing more harm than good, physical distance is a reliable option, Hertlein said. Stepping away, even to another room, before it’s too late, can prevent negatively charged emotional reactions. She recommended developing an exit plan for conversations that you anticipate could go wrong. Having such an exit plan provides a sense of control and reduces the likelihood that someone will get stuck in an overly unpleasant conversation,