Bride’s wardrobe edicts in poor taste

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m invited to a wedding where the bride sent out three colors she is requesting the guests to wear. If I don’t have a gray dress (one of her colors) but instead wear a blue-gray dress, am I OK?

GENTLE READER: If your friend is bossy enough to dictate what colors her guests wear, she will likely have opinions about specific shades.

Miss Manners gives you license to wear whatever hue you like. She further urges brides to remember that they are not the directors of cinematography in award-hopeful films, but hostesses who would do well not to annoy their audience — er, guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I lost my dear husband a mere two weeks ago, and am having a very rough time, as his death was sudden. We were a same-sex couple, together 18 years and married for four, and went through a lot together.

After some years of financial difficulty, we came into some money, which enabled us to get and furnish a small home. My husband also bought a nice computer and a nice wardrobe.

Friends have taken to inquiring about what I am going to do with his nice clothes, even saying they would be happy to help me go through them. They also ask if I am going to remain in our home, while seeming to eye our newly acquired possessions. They say they want to “honor him.”

Some also drop by unannounced to “check on” me. If I do not answer the door, some will even bang on my windows to make sure I am OK.

It’s driving me to distraction. How can I politely tell them that I will reach out to them when I am ready, but to please not pester me?

GENTLE READER: You are under no obligation to entertain unannounced visitors. You have her permission to tell them, “Thank you, but I am afraid that I am busy at the moment. Perhaps we can schedule a time to visit at a later date,” resisting the addition of, “or for you to honor us by rummaging through our things.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I both have successful careers, yet his parents continue to treat us like the poor relations.

We invited them over for a casual meal of hamburgers and salad on the porch, and when they walked in the door, his mother handed my husband $10 and told him it was to offset the cost of the meal.

Miss Manners, I was extremely insulted. Is there a proper response to this behavior next time?

GENTLE READER: “Thank you. I will be sure to tip the chef.”

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.