First spouse on couch selects show

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

Is it considered rude when you are watching something on TV and your husband joins you, then wants to change the channel, not to something you both like, but to something he likes?

If the shoe was on the other foot, I would watch whatever he was watching until it was done, and then we would try to find something we both liked. If we couldn’t find anything, we would just talk.

GENTLE READER: It is not rude for your husband to want to change the channel, only to follow through.

As with the law, the rule should be weighted toward first possession. After that, polite negotiation should ensue.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a single lady acquainted with a couple I adore. They introduced me to a single gentleman they’ve known for decades, and I accepted his invitations before I became concerned about his maturity and even his mental health.

Though I gently explained that I did not wish to continue our association, he requested reconsideration as a suitor so persistently that I had to block him from communications by phone and social media.

He, my friends and I all frequent a weekly community event. When I was standing in a circle with my friends and others, greatly enjoying the conversation, he approached, greeted each of us, and I responded in kind. I soon excused myself from the group to “powder my nose.”

Unfortunately, he asked in front of all, “Oh, do I make you uncomfortable?” I laughingly responded that my only discomfort was biological.

This uncomfortable situation seems certain to repeat itself. He seems determined to confront me publicly, and one can only cite biological needs or admiration for the buffet so many times.

GENTLE READER: Your instinct to spare your friends the details of what you find wrong with their friend is commendable. No good can come from forcing them to choose between you.

But if they are truly good friends, they should be able to understand — and probably have already surmised — that a romantic relationship has not grown between you and this gentleman. Miss Manners recommends that you tell them privately and without detail that you are afraid it did not work out, but that you do not wish to hurt his feelings any more by having to declare it publicly. Surely they will then find ways to help separate you in public — or be sympathetic if those tactics are clumsily thwarted by him.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.