Transgender son-in-law divides family
DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, “Joan,” and her husband, “Frank,” have been married 19 years. Their only child will be 4 next month. A year and a half ago, Frank came out as a transgender female. Joan is handling this exceptionally well. Our son, “Alex,” is not.
Our family will never have the traditional holidays again because Alex doesn’t want his daughters, ages 13 and 10, around Frank. Joan plans on remaining in her marriage. Frank is legally changing his name to “Anissa,” taking hormones and excited to live her “real life.”
In the meantime, we feel like outsiders looking in. These individuals are able to do what they want with their lives — yet they’re our children. The thought of never having our family all together again is upsetting. I suppose this happens often, but how do you suggest we cope? — Out of Sorts in Washington
DEAR OUT OF SORTS: Cope by taking it day by day and making adjustments as necessary. You are not on the outside looking in. You are full-fledged participants in this scenario.
Your new daughter-inlaw is the same person she has always been. She’s not a danger to anyone’s daughters. If your son can’t accept that, there is nothing you can do. Let him know he is always welcome — as is Anissa — at family celebrations. If he can’t bring himself to attend, see him and the girls separately.
If I have learned one thing in my lifetime, it is to take each day as it comes and make the most of it. Do not look back, and do not obsess about things you can’t control. Think positive and you will get through this.
DEAR ABBY: Our neighbor has been hospitalized for six months because of a serious accident that left him paralyzed. His wife has been staying in the city near the hospital. My husband and I have been keeping an eye on their house and moving their truck in the driveway so it appears someone is home.
The husband returned home a few weeks ago. We received a thank-you card from his wife. Inside was
$50 in gift cards.
We appreciate the thought, but would like to return the gift cards. We helped them out with no expectation of anything in return. How do we go about returning them without offending our neighbors? — Good Deed Neighbors
DEAR NEIGHBORS: To not accept them in the spirit in which they were given would be doing the couple a disservice. Sometimes the burden of gratitude weighs heavy. This is your neighbors’ way of showing you how much your efforts meant to them, so accept the gesture graciously.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.