Belated reciprocal valentine bad idea
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son received a gift from a girl for Valentine’s Day (chocolate-covered strawberries and a stuffed bear). He likes her but had no idea she was planning on a gift.
Should he now buy her a Valentine’s Day gift, even if it is after Valentine’s Day? Or just say “thank you very much” and move on?
GENTLE READER: He may well move on. Or may she. But a catch-up present is not flattering. Miss Manners would counsel him to wait and see if the mutual liking lasts until Easter, at which time he could surprise her with a chocolate bunny.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, I have become annoyed with charities. I want to support organizations doing good, in the United States and around the world, but their activities in three areas are starting to make me reconsider my commitment.
First, almost all of them send “free” stuff you do not need or want and then harass you into paying for it. I try to redistribute this stuff to other folks, but most of it ended up in the recycle bin.
Second, the requests for donations have become constant. There is no pause in the “emergency” requests for funds. Similarly, everything is now phrased in hyperbolic language, indicating some disaster is imminent. T
Finally, there is a proliferation of “charitable” organizations. It seems that everyone wants their own charity. Rather than working to strengthen a current group, they form another niche charity with the accompanying administrators and fundraisers. As a consequence, we have a rapidly increasing number of organizations chasing the same pool of donors.
Nonetheless, I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge that there are many well-run charities that do not engage in these practices, three of which I support.
GENTLE READER: Why charities believe badgering people is effective, Miss Manners has never understood. Annoyance and embarrassment apparently prompt some people to buy their way out.
But she would have thought those who run charities would be the very people to abhor making things unpleasant for others. Instead, they commonly harbor the belief that the virtue of working to help those in need cancels the virtue of showing consideration to those who could help.
By no means does Miss Manners wish to discourage charitable contributions.
But she dearly hopes others choose organizations that do not annoy potential contributors.
Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.