Absentee wedding guest not off the hook

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I was invited to the wedding of a family member whom I never see and am not close with. I did RSVP to say I was attending; however, at the last minute I could not attend.

Another family member andiweresentthesame message through text: “Why didn’t you come to my wedding? I’m so upset at the amount of money I still had topayforyourmeal!”

My husband was ready to send her a check! I said “NOOO!!”

I responded as to why I couldn’t be there. She’s still not satisfied, and continues to tell me how much she had to pay for our dinner, as if she expects us to reimburse her.

I understand her disappointment, but she took it too far by telling us her cost due to our absence.

Ifoundouttherewere17 others who did not attend. That is the chance one takes when having an event. You invite 150 people, and only a percentage attend. It’s expected; am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Your cavalier attitude about both missing the wedding and the percentage of guests expected to be absent has canceled any sympathy that Miss Manners would be otherwiseexpectedtohave toward someone treated as crudely as you were. Especially as it is not clear that you alerted anyone to your impending absence or apologized for it afterward.

Without excusing the bride, this situation would try even the most sane hostess — not just for the monetary loss, which your family member is obviously focused on — but for its rudeness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While I was at a playground with my grandchildren, I witnessed a father trying to force his son, about 4 years old, to go across the monkey bars. The little boy was terrified. He was screaming and crying out that he didn’t want to do it. The father, at one point, even called him a sissy. The child’s mother was visibly upset, and whispered to the fatherthateveryonewasstaring at him. He loudly yelled, “I don’t care who’s looking!” He continued to force his sontohangfromthebars. Finally, the father gave up in disgust with his son.

I wanted so badly to interfere and help this child, but assumed the father would yell an expletive-laden “MYOB” at me. The child did not seem in imminent physical danger, but he was in a lot of emotional pain. Is there anything I should have done?

GENTLE READER: Assured your grandchildrenthattheywillneverby treated similarly. And then encouragedthemtogoplay with the poor boy afterward.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.