Acceptable time for an indignant slap?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At the end of a boozy company party, my wife and I found ourselves tending a co-worker who had overdosed on martinis. While my wife went to summon a janitor, another co-worker asked her to spend the night with him.

I pretended to ignore it. My wife is upset I didn’t “defend her honor” by punching him . What do the rules of manners dictate?

GENTLE READER: Well, not adding violence to a volatile mix. And it is an especially bad idea to hit a drunk.

However, Miss Manners might have forgiven your wife if she had delivered a smart slap. That is the traditional response of ladies to cads.

What you might have done was to steer him away from your wife and say , “I think we’d better get you home. You can apologize to Miranda when you feel better.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the last few years, a new form of fundraising, coined “crowdfunding,” has allowed people to raise funds via the internet for things such as startup s, or as charity for families who have suffered devastating illness or loss. But this reader has noticed an increase in pleas on social media outlets for money for things such as dance lessons and even college tuition.

Is this an appropriate use of fundraising websites? Should it not be the responsibility of the participant and their families to fund these experiences ?

It seems most people asking for funding are very capable of earning extra income through a part-time job, or a small business or scholarships — and not by asking for handouts.

GENTLE READER: Everyone is free to beg, and few solvent people seem to consider this beneath their dignity.

What disturbs Miss Manners is that crowdfunding depends on social embarrassment. She cannot imagine many people want to spend their philanthropic resources providing luxuries, but when asked, they seem to feel they have to.

Unless they are confronted in person — in which case they should say, “Sorry, but I have other charities I support” — they needn’t respond at all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I was at a buffet where mashed potatoes were served. The potatoes were stuck to the serving spoon. I just put the spoon back down.

What is the proper etiquette for this situation?

GENTLE READER: Ata buffet table, it is not necessary to take everything offered. Miss Manners would think you should spare yourself having to eat gummy potatoes.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.