Act like landlord instead of offended host

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I am a graduate student, renting a house. To help reduce my expenses, I sublet the other rooms to grad students.

I have always told my housemates I have no problem with occasional houseguests coming for a short period, provided they give prior notice and don’t overstay their welcome. For the most part, my housemates have been considerate, but this past weekend has me stumped.

One of them had a friend and her boyfriend come to stay for the weekend. When I entered the house, no one offered any formal introductions. The couple basically ignored me.

The next morning, I was in the kitchen and one of the visitors came downstairs, started opening up the cupboards and proceeded to ask me where the glasses were. Again, no “good morning,” no introduction.

I am appalled. In the Caribbean, where I’m from, it is customary when visiting someone’s home to bring a small token of gratitude for all the residents. You introduce yourself to all inhabitants (or, at the very least, you say “Good morning”), and you take your friends out to dinner to thank them for their hospitality.

I have noticed a trend with folks treating the house like a hotel and me like the staff. Has this always been the “norm”?

GENTLE READER:

While she cannot condone the rudeness of ignoring a person standing (in this case, also sleeping) nearby, Miss Manners notes that your housemates are your tenants, and their guests are not your guests.

As the social pattern doesn’t work, you should try a professional approach. Written instructions about use of the facilities may not be necessary. But asking your tenants to introduce you to their guests would be a start.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I occasionally invite a friend or friends to join me at a restaurant to use a coupon. The coupon has an expiration date, so I mention this when issuing the invitation.

If my friend can’t go on the date I suggest, he or she will usually say, “I’ll let you know a date when I can go.” Time passes, so I begin to wonder whether to prompt the friend or extend the invitation to someone else. What is the correct thing to do?

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners prohibits rescinding invitations, this is not applicable. Your initial invitation was rejected. You need only express sadness that that date did not work out and agree to do some other activity on a more convenient date.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.