Enduring rudeness is price of seeing grandkid

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son’s daughter’s mother (they never married) invited my family to my granddaughter’s second birthday dinner at her apartment. I do not want to attend due to cruel and harsh words she has said to my son.

I don’t wish to be in the same environment with someone who calls my son “sperm donor” in public.

GENTLE READER: That does sound unpleasant.

However, the prospect of rarely seeing your granddaughter would likely be more so. Miss Manners fears that if you turn down the invitation, that may be the result. Go to the party and be pleasant. The reward will be witnessing your granddaughter’s birthday and being a full participant in her life — and maybe even modeling good behavior in the face of bad, for her mother.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When paying at the store, if I have a full basket and the person behind me has only one item, I usually let them check out first.

However, sometimes, after having given up my turn, another customer will arrive behind me with just one item, as well. I feel slightly bad if I don’t let them go ahead too, having done just that for the previous person in the exact same situation. At the same time, having already given up my turn once, I’m feeling less inclined to do so again.

To be clear, I’m not talking about people trying to cut in line without asking. Those I have no qualms dealing with! But having treated one person one way, it doesn’t seem right to treat the second one differently.

I know I’m totally overthinking this, but it bugs me a little whenever it happens.

GENTLE READER: Your impulse is generous but not required. Surely, no reasonable person would expect you to continually step aside and give up your place in line for a whole afternoon. Miss Manners suggests that you take the route of pretending not to notice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We love to host at our home, and had a group of friends over a week or two after we had new flooring put in our main floor. One guest wore stiletto high heels, which is usual for her, and we didn’t think anything of it until after the party, when we discovered the heels had left pockmarks all over our new flooring.

We of course didn’t say anything to our guest, but ended up having to replace many of the boards, at not insignificant cost. How can we politely avoid this in the future?

GENTLE READER: Put down the red carpet, or whatever remnants are on hand, when she comes.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.