Ignoring kids tempting but ill-advised

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m married with two young children. When our kids ask mywifeaquestionandshe is doing something else, she does not respond or acknowledge them.

Is this proper etiquette? Is the proper thing to acknowledge the child and tell them you will speak with them in a moment?

GENTLE READER: No one enjoys being interrupted. Etiquette recognizes this and balances the potential damage to the activity against the importance of the interjection.

Disrupting laundry-folding is different from interrupting someone blowing glass. Doing so to find out what’s on the calendar is different than reporting the house is on fire.

But context is also a factor. The breakfast table is a familial, social setting. In that case, Miss Manners disallows pleas of an important work email taking priority. All this aside, is this really the example your wife wants to set for children who will someday be teenagers?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My cousin started dating again after many years of being divorced. It’s the first time since then that he feels comfortable with someone. We like his new girlfriend. She moved in with him a couple of months ago.

We’ll visit him about twice a month, and vice versa. During their last visit to my house, she took off her shoes and put her feet on my couch. She positioned herself where she sits on her feet, so that they are tucked in the cushions.

I was taken aback, and my first reaction was to look at my mother; we just exchanged looks. I normally would’ve said something, but I didn’t want to just blurt out, “Get your feet off my couch!”

I’ve been told that I can come across as insensitive, but I don’t mean to be. I noticed she sits like that in their house, so I am afraid that she’ll feel comfortable to do it at mine. What should I say the next time?

GENTLE READER: Life was simpler when everyone understood that undressing in front of acquaintances — even partially — was impolite. But hosts who insist that guests leave their shoes at the door have muddied the waters.

Your cousin’s girlfriend no doubt thinks she is both “making herself at home” and respecting your couch. The way to get her off the couch is to offer an alternative — “Would you be more comfortable in this chair?” — one without sufficient room for drawing up one’s feet. But Miss Manners recommends you wait and see how permanent her company is likely to be.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.