Napkins on chairs should be left there
DEAR MISS MANNERS: While at a restaurant, I needed to use the restroom. I left my napkin on my chair. When I returned, my husband informed me that our waiter had refolded it and left it on the table.
Now I had to figure out which side had been against my lap. If I guessed wrong, I would have ended up with grease stains on my slacks.
Several nights later, in what is reportedly the best restaurant in this city, I observed a waiter refolding the napkin of a patron who had left the table, so this refolding thing is not a quirk in one restaurant.
That this is distasteful should not need to be stated. If this should happen again, I will ask for a fresh napkin. But I will want to convey my displeasure.
What does Miss Manners suggest?
GENTLE READER:
Such unfortunate practices seem to spread rapidly around the restaurant industry. And yet many people still regard expensive restaurants as models of formal service. It is not up to you to retrain the staff. Asking for a fresh napkin should make the point.
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
Is the purpose of a wedding reception to “pay back” the guests for coming?
My niece is getting married soon. They would like a small reception with just snacks, punch and cake. My niece’s parents are unable to help financially, and my niece is fine with a small reception.
She is getting a great deal of pushback from others, who say that they “owe” their guests a big party. I feel that guests should be there to share in their happiness.
GENTLE READER: “Pay back”?
That’s one way of putting it. Another way would be that wedding guests would like to be able to congratulate the couple.
But Miss Manners is unclear about what you consider a “small” or
“big” reception. If “small” means the simple fare you describe, the guests are crass to complain. But if it means some guests will be dismissed, the hosts are callous.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should a gentleman go before or behind a woman ascending stairs?
I’ve always been taught to follow a woman descending and ascending stairs, in case she slips. I occasionally feel self-conscious, not wanting the woman to be paranoid with my face in her lower back.
GENTLE READER: The deciding factor here is that she should have a nice, soft gentleman to land upon if she should stumble. Miss Manners notes that you have it half right: You should follow her going up but precede her going down.
Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.