Bachelor’s interest in teen disturbing
DEAR ABBY: I have a brother-in-law who has always been a “proud bachelor.” He isn’t a rich, handsome but a hand-to-mouth, uncouth kind of bachelor. He befriended a woman with four daughters, paying most of his attention to one of the daughters.
Fast forward eight years. He wants to take the one daughter on a trip to Hawaii. And he has been telling everyone she is now 18 (the girl is still in high school). Should I say something to him? He will likely hang up on me. I don’t know the daughters or their mom well. Am I wrong to hear some alarm bells? — Wary in Washington
DEAR WARY: The statement that the girl is “now
18” is a red flag. Rather than talk to your brotherin-law, inform the mother that he may be “grooming” her daughter for something more than an innocent tour of the islands. She should have noticed something was amiss eight years ago, when one daughter was singled out for special treatment.
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for five years. Early in our relationship, he became violent. Because of my economic status, leaving was not an option.
I became pregnant with our child during our first year together. He ended up getting arrested for domestic violence against me twice and moved out for a year while court proceedings were taking place.
At first, he was incredibly cruel. I was so devastated by his arrests that I was grieving as if he had died. He then went through interventions and sought medical care and counseling. He used to drink, but no longer does.
After a year, I let him move back home. But I no longer feel the same toward him. Even though he hasn’t touched me and has toned down his anger, I can’t forget the things he said and did to me.
I don’t want a divorce, because I still love him. I just don’t know how to proceed. — Victim in Oregon
DEAR VICTIM: Nowhere in your letter did you mention whether YOU sought counseling. If you didn’t, do it now.
You may love your husband, but verbal abuse can leave as many, or more, scars than physical abuse. Until you can completely forgive him, you won’t be able to move on.
And if it turns out that you cannot, don’t blame or punish yourself. Sometimes it’s better for two people who care about each other to go their separate ways because it is healthier for both.
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