Returning refund in respectful manner

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We received a refund on some meat we purchased from a local rancher. The meat wasn’t the quality we expected, but with sauces and cooking it longer, it was OK.

We received a nice note stating the butcher they had hired aged the meat longer than intended.

We don’t want to take advantage of the situation. We want to return the check, but I am at a loss of what to say.

GENTLE READER:

“While it is true that the meat was a bit older than we are used to, as loyal customers, your care for your customers never grows old. We are therefore returning your check, uncashed, with our thanks for your integrity and thoughtfulness.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I work for a large company that gives paid time off for volunteer activities. Volunteer organizations in my community are aware of our policies.

I have been asked to head a volunteer effort for a very worthy cause. However, they have directed me to recruit 40 volunteers for a full day. Forty seems excessive for what they need.

I’m struggling because a local school needs a large number of volunteers for field day. If we all volunteer for the first event, it’s likely the field day will need to be cancelled or scaled back.

I have tried saying the first ask is too large. Do I just say, “Do you understand we can’t handle your (very pushy) request and field day?”

The pushiness is fueled by passion for good works. I might not agree with their methods, but their hearts are in the right place.

GENTLE READER: In this case, etiquette is less concerned with their hearts than with their elbows.

Your company is right to set limits on its generosity — whether because it is also sending volunteers to another worthy cause, it is a holiday and employees need time off, or the company merely wants to get some work done.

Miss Manners realizes you need a way to avoid being caught between representing your company and the organization whose effort you are heading. For this, it is time to find a person of authority in your company whom you can quote as saying some variation on “enough.”

You can then tell the organization how hard you fought for them and how happy you are to volunteer yourself, but the company is only allowing you to recruit another 19 volunteers. So long as you are confident your corporate heavy will remain firm — or at least offstage — this is a more effective approach.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.