Fending off talk of second baby shower

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have a 2-year-old son and are expecting another baby. My husband’s younger brother and his wife are also expecting their second child.

We are very blessed to have friends and family who were ecstatic over the birth of our first. My dear friends threw me a lovely baby shower. We have everything we need for the new baby and I’m grateful to have friends who wouldn’t dream of throwing a second shower.

My sister-in-law’s family is the very type to throw a second baby shower. At her first shower, they charged $5 at the door for “lottery tickets,” with the money ostensibly going to cover certain costs associated with the baby.

Her family is also sure to make very pointed remarks when they ask me about my own impending baby shower.

How should I handle those remarks? I don’t want their false pity, nor do I wish to hear disparaging remarks against my friends and family.

GENTLE READER: “We are very excited to attend Margo and Larry’s shower. Do you think they’ll have another boy?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I was at a bar for a work-related dinner meeting and ordered soup. I peppered said soup before tasting it and was castigated by one of my dinner companions.

Is the etiquette in a bar the same as what should be practiced in a more formal setting?

GENTLE READER: The peppering of one’s food is not subject to degrees of formality. Nor should they be your dinner companion’s concern.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An elderly parent died a couple of years ago. Now another elderly relative has passed. We were very moved by the numerous cards and handwritten notes we received.

I was astonished that we both received condolences by email as well, and found myself greatly offended.

I don’t expect flowers or memorial donations to charity or food — just a simple card or note. But I would rather not hear from someone at all than receive an email condolence. It seems as though the elderly person was not worth any more effort than a mouse click.

Has custom changed to where an electronic condolence is acceptable?

GENTLE READER: It has not. But Miss Manners has weakened her stance, since any correspondence at all is often rare.

She does not condone the emails, but as you received so many letters from people who addressed them properly, she suggests you not let it ruin the relationship with the senders who did not.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.