Dodging a friend’s food-laden greeting

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While I was at an outdoor gathering, another guest began walking towards me to give me a customary kiss and hug. On the way, he passed by the buffet table, grabbed a handful of food and proceeded to shove it into his mouth. Much of it was left on his lips, around his mouth and on his hand.

I backed away and begged off the kiss and hug. He seemed quite offended, so I informed him that he had food all over his mouth.

He proceeded to wipe his mouth with his arm, said “There! All better now!” and moved towards me again.

Well, it was NOT all better, but merely smeared around. When I tried to escape once again, he became even more offended, then cursed and walked away. I avoided him for the rest of the get-together.

I feel badly for offending him, but cannot help but think how offensive it would have been for ME to succumb to a messy, icky kiss.

Is there any way I could have handled the situation better? Or should I just hope I do not have the pleasure of meeting up with him again?

GENTLE READER: Please permit Miss Manners a moment of “eeewwww” before she pulls herself together and offers the polite sacrifice she might have made. Artfully suppressing her gag reflex, she would have offered her own handkerchief to the gentleman, holding it up in front of his face and, if necessary, offering to help.

However, not everyone is a martyr to courtesy, and, regretfully, not everyone carries a pocket handkerchief nowadays. But you could have backed away with a smile and said, “Let me get you a napkin.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

A friend recently attempted suicide. His neck is covered in scars that cannot be easily concealed. He is concerned about comments regarding his physical appearance.

You have suggested countering intrusive questions with “How kind of you to take an interest in my personal affairs.” But how might this gentleman respond differently under the circumstances? He does not wish to explain or engage in this line of questioning.

GENTLE READER: The phrase you quoted, while often useful, is intended to be directed to those who offer unsolicited criticism or officious advice. Miss Manners agrees that it is a bit harsh for those whose probing questions were intended as concern.

Nevertheless, they must be discouraged from inquiry. A firm “Thank you, but it’s nothing you need worry about” should do it.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.