No place for your phone at the table
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I have a niece who insists you have not addressed the issue of where to place cellphones in a formal table setting.
She has a strong opinion that one should remove the napkin to one’s lap and place the cellphone where the napkin was set.
GENTLE READER: Miss Manners has addressed the issue of where to place cellphones at any table setting. It is with the wraps.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a best-selling novel, a female character we aren’t supposed to like is humiliated at dinner for not removing her hat.
This seems a mistaken use of etiquette as a weapon. What say you regarding women hatted at table?
GENTLE READER: Not having had the pleasure of reading this novel, Miss Manners can only rule that humiliating someone far exceeds any error that could be made at dinner with a hat.
The traditional rule is that ladies may wear hats during the daytime, including at lunch. This was when such a thing as a cocktail hat was considered permissible.
But as this is apparently a current novel, these forms of headwear are not in common use. Baseball caps are always wrong indoors, with no gender exceptions allowed.
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I receive frequent requests from friends and acquaintances to stay in my home. I try to accommodate people.
Given the travel distance, most guests wish to stay one to two weeks. This is often much longer than the closeness of the relationship dictates, but I try to help make their stay enjoyable.
Some guests realize long visits can be disruptive.
They pitch in around the house, provide me time to keep my life going and carry their weight financially.
Some behave as though I am running a tourism charity. These guests are more likely to nickel and dime me on gas and food expenses and are unlikely to help with household chores.
I cannot afford to provide my guests much beyond a clean house and the occasional trip to the beach or sightseeing.
It feels brusque to give potential guests a list of rules or to tell them, “You’re on your own.” Is there a polite way to convey these limitations without alienating them?
GENTLE READER: Miss Manners understands that you mean to be hospitable. But part of being a host is to set the terms of a visit. Not only does this mean mentioning specific days, but saying, “You should know that I have a lot of obligations then, so I hope you won’t mind being on your own a lot.”
Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.