No proving suspect was ‘patient zero’

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This past winter, I stopped going to most of my usual activities to try to avoid catching the flu. I was successful until the end of February, when I caught something (ironically, not the flu) that put me in the hospital for a week.

I’m still not able to resume normal activities because of medication side effects, and the condition that developed may be permanent.

I can’t prove it, of course, but my guess is that I caught the “something” from a worker at a small local business (the one-person post office) who was very ill.

At the time, I commented to her that she should have stayed home.

I would very much like to communicate this to the worker, but I don’t know whether it’s really possible or appropriate.

Can I, and should I? GENTLE READER: And what if you are wrong? How do you plan to prove it?

While Miss Manners is sorry that you got sick — and agrees that contagious people should, to the best of their abilities, avoid being out in public — she finds the need to target Patient Zero unpleasant as well as unprovable. Also, there is no way to gauge how one person may be differently affected by another’s symptoms.

In the unlikely event that you run into this postal worker again, you might say, “Oh, I hope that your sickness did not turn out to be as bad as mine and that you didn’t have to miss too much work. I was in the hospital for days.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When the lovely people at my workplace want to show their appreciation of my work, they give me a gift card to a well-known online company that is rapidly putting independent booksellers out of business.

My husband runs an independent bookstore. The folks at my work know what my husband does but have clearly not put two and two together.

What would be the best way, in my thank-you letter, to express appreciation for their generosity while requesting that in the future, they choose virtually any other gift in the world — or none at all?

GENTLE READER: Most online book companies inexplicably sell things other than books. If this one does, you could say in your letter, “We greatly look forward to using this card for novelty sweets or toys for our dogs.”

If questioned about why you would not want to get books, Miss Manners recommends you say, “Oh, my husband already owns an independent bookstore. Happily, we can get everything we need there.”

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.