Bookseller seeks less personal talks

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I am the manager of a retail chain bookstore. Frequently, I have customers who want to discuss their political or religious beliefs with me or my employees. How can I politely let them know their advice is inappropriate and nip these remarks in the bud?

Sometimes they seem to be provoked by the books we are selling, but their comments are quite personal and not related to merchandise. They are not simply asking for more books related to a particular title, but are outright telling me whom I should vote for, and that I should tell all my other customers to vote for that particular candidate.

I cannot just pretend to agree with them, even if I wanted to, because then I would risk offending other customers in the store who disagree.

I am happy to serve all customers regardless of religion or political affiliation, and therefore do not feel that a retail store is the appropriate place for proselytizing or politicking.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, they are addressing you as a bookseller, which is what you are and how you should respond.

Should they persist, rather than taking up your offer, you should add, “Well, look around. You’re bound to find something that will interest you.” And then excuse yourself to tend to other customers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been invited to a baby shower for an acquaintance’s daughter. I have met the daughter once, and it was at a group dinner, so we spoke about three sentences to each other. I know the mother from a social circle, but we are not close.

The baby shower invitation is from the mother, and the RSVP is to the mother and daughter. This is not proper! I do not want to attend, nor send a gift, as I do not know the daughter or her tastes.

I might add that many of us who were invited are in the same boat — and none of us were invited to this person’s wedding, which was recent. What do you think of this situation? How should I handle it?

GENTLE READER: You need only decline, wishing the daughter well. Miss Manners gathers from the whiff of indignation in your tone that you suspect the lady of motives that are not strictly hospitable. That is best not probed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How long is the proper time to wear a wedding band after the death of a spouse?

GENTLE READER: As long as it is a comfort to you. And if it is not your ring under discussion, that decision concerns neither you nor Miss Manners.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.