Dialing back how you display affection

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For two years, I have been getting a manicure every other week with the same technician. The conversation is polite, but not extensive, as her English is limited.

She is always professional, and I am happy with her service. For the past few months, we’ve had a brief hug goodbye, initiated by her, and I feel comfortable with that.

However, she has begun to say “love you,” which leaves me uncomfortable. I do not wish to be rude, but nor do I wish to reciprocate the sentiment.

GENTLE READER: To some of us, a hug is an expression of personal affection. To many others, it is the modern equivalent of a handshake.

Language has similarly progressed. “Amazing” and “incredible” mean that something is OK, maybe good, but not startling or unbelievable. Your manicurist doubtless meant to express her appreciation of you, not her passion.

Without embarrassing her, you could model a more restrained warmth. Take the initiative by offering her a handshake and by saying something pleasant, such as, “I am always very happy to see you.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a relative died, my siblings and I attended the visitation — where we offered condolences to her immediate family members — as well as the funeral and burial. We also donated generously to her suggested charity. Are sympathy cards also required?

GENTLE READER: Ifbya sympathy card you mean a store-bought card with preprinted sentiments, that is the minimal way of expressing condolences.

Miss Manners notices that sometimes what is really meant is a letter of condolence, actually composed by the sender. Those, particularly if they contain fond reminiscences of the deceased, are much valued.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a college student whose high school teachers and parents have always drilled into me the importance of a formal email. When I write to my professors or job interviewers, I always address them as “Dear Mr./ms./professor/dr. Last Name” and use an appropriate closing.

However, they often reply with simply “Hi” or no greeting at all. One interviewer replied to an email in poorly capitalized, fragmented phrases and no closing.

If I need to reply to someone’s response to me, should I continue my level of formality, or imitate theirs?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners urges you to continue to write respectfully and correctly. Perhaps your professors will learn from you.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.