Bride-to-be frets over walk down aisle

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are talking marriage , and I’m stressing over who will walk me down the aisle.

I planned for it to be my dad, but he passed away a month ago. Mom remarried when I was young, but I have never had a close relationship with my stepdad. He mentioned years ago that he’d like to walk me down the aisle. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I also don’t want to feel like I am replacing Daddy.

Is it taboo to walk down the aisle alone? Or must I just walk with my stepdad for the sake of not hurting his feelings? — Marriage in Minneapolis

DEAR MARRIAGE: Brides can (and should) walk down the aisle with the companion of their choice. When the bride’s father is deceased, the escort can be her mother or a close male relative. I have also heard of brides escorted down the aisle by their canine companion.

You are not obligated to have anyone walk you to the altar. If your stepfather repeats his request, tell him it would be too hurtful because it would feel like he was replacing your father. You should also know that some women feel being “given away” is an anachronistic custom, and they make their way alone to join their groom at the altar.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and my mother had a good relationship before we were married. But since our wedding, he complains about her nonstop while pointing out ways I am like her. My brothers feed into it too. They often have long conversations together detailing her “many” negative qualities.

Recently, Mom overheard my husband say very critical things about her. She got upset and kind of shut down emotionally and socially. We apologized to her separately, but she said she was tired of being criticized and tired of him being mean to me.

I have a history of depression. My husband and I have tried counseling with no progress because he feels our problems are “my responsibility.” My husband is a good person, but it hurts me to see my mother upset. Advice? — Torn in Nebraska

DEAR TORN: I’m glad to offer some, but first you will have to accept that “good” husbands don’t act like yours . If there are things he doesn’t like about your mother, he should take them up with her directly. I don’t blame her for feeling hurt.

What your husband did was destructive. The same is true for the way he treats you. Counseling hasn’t worked because of his unwillingness to accept any responsibility for your problems. My advice is to talk to a licensed therapist on your own.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.