Response to inapt compliments to girl

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I have a niece who shaved her head for a childhood cancer charity, and she has received a lot of comments such as, “That was so brave of you to shave your head considering you’re a girl.”

I am beyond disgusted to hear this, but I can’t think of what she could possibly say that would both alert the commentator to their veiled insult and still express a level of politeness.

GENTLE READER: It was in the hope of educating the general public — and thereby sparing future cancer patients such unkindnesses — that charities started encouraging non-patients to shave their heads. This being the intent, Miss Manners suspects that your niece will want to respond on point, rather than getting distracted by the implied gender issue.

That can be accomplished by saying: “Thank you, but what I did is really nothing. Just imagine what those children have to endure.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The cafeteria in my office building includes a large salad bar, which I often frequent.

Often enough, I am stuck behind someone who is moving down the line adding more and more toppings.

If there is no one else in front of this person, is it acceptable for me to cut ahead to the dressings?

GENTLE READER: Itis always rude to cut in line, but the situation you describe is not always properly considered one line. You may jump over a substantial gap. Ideally, find someone on the other side of the gap and line up behind them as a demonstration of your law-abiding nature.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I have a friend who promised to pay me back for an event ticket if I paid the money upfront. He finally came through a couple of days before the event, but I didn’t have the ticket on hand, so he said he would pick it up in the next couple of days or meet us at the event.

He didn’t pick it up or show up at the event.

Should I make an effort to pay him back or wait until I hear from him to see what he has to say? I don’t want to get rid of a friendship over the ticket, but at the same time, I am very upset by his behavior because I could have spent the money on other things.

GENTLE READER: As you already have the money in hand, it is not a question of how to spend it but whether or not to return it.

Assuming a formal apology is therefore not necessary, your wisest course of action is to treat the matter as closed and proceed with the friendship.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.