Bring back the ‘No political talk’ rule

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is a confirmed Republican in a blue-state social milieu. We like to joke that ours is a mixed marriage: Democrat and Republican.

A little political disputation used to add spice to our friendly gatherings. However, a friend of ours recently told me she didn’t want to be at a party with my husband because of his political views.

She and her husband were close friends of ours. She has not called since, but she did send us an invitation to a holiday cocktail party.

We declined, thinking it would be awkward and pathetic to appear at such an impersonal gathering after her brush-off. We would like to think our lively conversation on many topics would be sufficient compensation for a difference of opinion on one.

We can see no way to patch this up. Do you have any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Invite them to a party. And announce that you are invoking the old rule against political talk at social events.

You will say that civilized people ought to be able to air their differences without rancor, and Miss Manners would agree in theory. But not, nowadays, in practice. And while your husband may show an admirable respect for people with different opinions, others may have trouble doing so.

You may recall that the rule also banned social conversations about religion and sex. Miss Manners can think of situations where social conversations about abortion and gender identity might not make for an amiable party.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It distresses me to see so many people smoking cigarettes. I smoked for about 10 years and quit over 40 years ago. Just last year, I was diagnosed with lung cancer.

Fortunately, my prospects look good. Would it be polite to hand out cards to strangers that read, “Please stop smoking. I quit over 40 years ago and still got cancer”?

GENTLE READER: Would you have stopped sooner if a stranger had handed you a card? Might not these people decide that, as quitting didn’t help you, they might as well go on smoking?

Miss Manners hopes to discourage you from doing this. You are presumably not a doctor, and you are definitely not those strangers’ doctor. You may not even be sure that your history is relevant, because while smoking is a major cause of lung cancer, there are other causes as well.

And what you certainly would cause is embarrassment and possibly anger.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.