Where should grooms’ hands go in photos?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When did having the groom pose for pictures with his hand in his pocket begin? Every Sunday, I see pictures of beautiful brides, perfectly groomed, standing beside slobs with their hands in their pockets.

GENTLE READER: Surprising as it may be, Miss Manners does not have a firm ruling on the placement of hands when posing for pictures. She leaves that to the photographers. As long as these bridegrooms are not making rude gestures, she considers herself — and their brides — fortunate enough.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I am the director of a small graduate program at a large university. Each year, we select a group of applicants who receive a teaching assistantship. This comes with a tuition waiver and a stipend, together amounting to tens of thousands of dollars. Even smaller groups are offered merit fellowships of several thousand dollars.

I personally send notifi- cations via email to these applicants, give them a decision deadline and ask them to send me a note in response.

I am shocked, every year, that many of the recipients simply ignore the offer.

Their silence communicates to me that they feel enormously entitled.

After the decision date, I send follow-up emails to the applicants from whom I have yet to hear a word, letting them know that the decision date has passed, that the offer has been retracted and that we have moved to our waitlist.

I am tempted to add a line saying that I would have appreciated an acknowledgment. I am even tempted to offer some unsolicited professional advice: that it is good form to acknowledge professional opportunities and offers.

I know that good manners dictate that one does not point out the rudeness of others. But I am wondering if my role as a professor offers me some leeway here, as it is my job to teach students the ways of the profession.

GENTLE READER: While these adult students should clearly know better, they are obviously in need of some guidance. Miss Manners is loath to employ the overused phrase “a teaching moment,” but that is what this is.

Miss Manners suggests:

“In the future, it may behoove you to acknowledge the receipt of any monetary or positional prospects. Even if you are unable to take advantage of them now, surely you would not want to give the impression that they — or the generous people who recommended you for them — will never be of use.”

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.