Daughter last to learn of dad’s new love

DEAR ABBY: My father began dating four years after my mother died. I have always considered him one of my best friends. But since he started dating he has changed.

I just traveled across the country for a funeral and discovered he has a new love, and that he flew her out to see our extended family. My dying grandmother got to meet her, but I didn’t even know her name! When I told him I felt he had cut me out , it made him angry.

Apparently, he and this woman have been dating for almost a year. I had always imagined that when Dad met someone, his kids would be the first people he would want to call. It has been a bitter pill to swallow knowing my father would disregard his daughter.

He told me he didn’t know why he had cut me out and ignored me. But we can’t seem to get over it. We have gone from calling and texting daily to not speaking in months. What was an easy parent/child relationship is now awkward, and I’m at a loss about how to fix it. — Abandoned in South Carolina

DEAR ABANDONED: Having never met your father, it’s hard to guess why he would behave the way he has. That you could have communicated almost daily makes it obvious that it was no oversight. Not all “children” are accepting of a new woman in a father’s life, even if he has been widowed for a long time. It’s possible you were kept in the dark because he was afraid of how you would react.

No one can blame you for feeling the way you do. Your father mishandled this. A step toward fixing this would be to try to forgive him, and to move forward by telling him you want him to be happy.

DEAR ABBY: When I am preparing to host a party and one of the guests calls a few minutes before arrival time to say they are going to be late, I get really annoyed. I think, please just BE late and don’t bother me when I’m putting the finishing touches on everything or welcoming other guests.

I assume these individuals are trying to be considerate, and if they were the only guest coming, I agree they should call. But if they are one of many, it’s a distraction to have to listen to their excuse. I don’t know if I’m the only one who gets annoyed when this happens. Am I being ungrateful? — Frenzied in Georgia

DEAR FRENZIED: Your guest is trying to be polite and is afraid that you will worry. This isn’t an unusual occurrence, but a charming host will not reveal annoyance. It takes only a second to reply, “We’ll see you when you get here!” and get off the phone.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.