Snack before dinner leads to argument

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son told me of a situation where he was scolded by his live-in girlfriend. She was fixing dinner, and he went to the pantry to get a fruit bar because he had not eaten since that morning.

She claims his getting a fruit bar while she was cooking was incredibly rude. She not only scolded him, but wouldn’t eat dinner with him.

I contend it was not rude unless he made a comment to the effect that his snack tasted better than what she was cooking. Do you agree? I’m guessing she has some other issues, and part of it may be related to their relationship. I told him it wasn’t rude.

GENTLE READER: Did he forget to say “Mmmm, smells delicious. Anything I can do to help?”

While it is understandable to defend your son for seemingly innocent acts, Miss Manners feels compelled to remind you one never knows what is happening inside another’s relationship. Questions that come to mind include: Does his girlfriend always do the cooking and he never offers to help? Does he frequently eat right before a meal and then profess not to be hungry?

Not making a direct comment about the comparative taste of the snack to the dinner did not really solve the fact that he was eating it in the presence of a much more labor-intensive meal. Next time, by asking if he can help, he could get on her good side, avoid a fight and weigh the dinner’s timing against the needs of his stomach.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have decided to treat myself to an occasional manicure and pedicure. I am having no luck in finding a salon where the persons doing my nails do not chat away in a foreign language with fellow employees while working on my nails.

The foreign language aspect is rude in itself. Also, I want the full attention of the person cutting, clipping, sanding and polishing my nails. Any advice?

GENTLE READER: Rethink pampering yourself with a transaction that involves people outside your limited circle.

While Miss Manners has sympathy for wanting service industry workers — especially ones wielding sharp objects — to pay attention, demanding they cease all conversation is unreasonable. This might be why you are having trouble finding establishments that will oblige.

Rather than being annoyed, try pleasantly asking the nail technicians to translate so that you may contribute to the conversation — and even learn something about their culture.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.