Even sporks need proper table position

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family has been arguing about this for quite a while now: Does the spork go on the left or the right of the plate, or neither? My brother and I agree that it goes on the top of the dish.

GENTLE READER:

The spork (also known to Edward Lear fans as the runcible spoon) exists for situations in which more specialized utensils are inconvenient — as, for example, when the serving establishment wishes to conserve plastic, or when the diner is balancing a plate while keeping alert for passing bears.

It is therefore not often seen in a table setting. This does not deter Miss Manners, who decrees that the placement depends upon the company — not the guests, in this case, but the other utensils being used.

If it is meant for dessert, it should be placed above the plate. But if it is the only utensil provided for the meal, it should go to the left, in place of the fork.

Her reasoning is twofold: First, a lone fork is more common than a lone spoon; and second, for those of us over the age of 3, the function of the fork is more important than that of the spoon. Miss Manners recognizes that this makes no allowance for all-liquid dinners, but she has to go, as she sees the bear coming.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When our daughter was born, seven years ago, my father-in-law gifted her with his mother’s lovely diamond engagement ring. At what age would it be appropriate for a young lady to wear such a piece of jewelry?

GENTLE READER: Your daughter’s response, Miss Manners would guess, is, “Now!” But not being 7, she disagrees.

Advanced jewelry is reserved for serious, formal occasions, and there is a presumption that a child, charming though you may find her when she is licking icing off her fingers, is not yet up to the task.

While that ban does relax as the child ages and the events become more weighty, an engagement ring has a specific significance. Your father-in-law presumably hoped she would wear it as her own wedding ring — which, whether or not you share that hope, is an answer you can give to save yourself the heartache of hoping it will come home on your daughter rather than being lost behind a seat on the school bus.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am invited to a 50th birthday luncheon for a girlfriend, and the invite says, “No gifts, please.” What can I do instead?

GENTLE READER: Bring your most winning smile.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.