To avoid whines, sip fine wine at home

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I like unusual, hard-to-find wines. Frequently, dinner events have wine as part of the dinner, but you can also buy more interesting wines from the hotel or restaurant. Often the hotel gives you your bottle during the cocktail hour.

At the event, people we don’t know hold out a glass and say, “I’ll have a glass of that.”

I explain that we bought it separately to have with dinner, and usually that takes care of it. Or we tell them that waiters are passing wines, but they say, “Yes, but not THAT.”

My husband finally told one pushy woman that the bottle was $140, and he’d sell it to her for that. She yelled, “I just want a GLASS!”

We’ve gone to informal BYOB dinners with two bottles, knowing that we’ll do well to keep one bottle for ourselves. How do we best deal with Malbec moochers without appearing antisocial?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners does not condone the behavior of the person demanding a glass of whatever you were drinking, sharing is still central to social intercourse. The solution to your problem is to separate your two, incompatible activities: Go out on even-numbered days, and enjoy your unusual wines at home on odd days.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

Is it rude to give advice to someone who did not ask for advice? Under what circumstances is unsolicited advice polite?

GENTLE READER: Unsolicited advice may be given discreetly if it will save the recipient from imminent embarrassment.

Miss Manners used to cite the example of one lady taking another lady aside to warn her that her underwear is showing, but she realizes this may no longer meet her stated precondition. Be warned that etiquette having no objection to such proffers does not guarantee a welcoming reaction from the recipient.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I really feel bad when I am in front of an elderly or handicapped person on an elevator and I step out of ahead of him or her. However, it often creates major traffic problems if I step back into the crowd. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Leave the elevator, and once you are clear of traffic, turn around to assist by holding the door.

It is no use protesting to Miss Manners that this is unnecessary, as elevator doors remain open so long as there is someone in the entrance. The action is intended to demonstrate your concern and good manners, not your efficacy as a doorstop.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.