Woman questions why man won’t divorce

DEAR ABBY: Iama 39-year-old woman, recently separated. I have been seeing a 45-year-old man who is also separated but not divorced from his wife. We have been a couple for about a year. I don’t understand why he doesn’t get a divorce.

When his wife, who has also been seeing someone for more than a year, found out we were seeing each other, it got ugly. She came to our place of employment — her ex and I work in the same place, different departments — and tried to get me fired. Fortunately, she was unsuccessful, and she tried to get physical. At that point I had to stop seeing him.

After a month apart, I became really depressed, and we hooked back up. We are taking things slower and more carefully, but I am falling in love.

He tells me he misses me when we are intimate and how grateful he is for me, but it isn’t enough. I want more, but I don’t want to scare him away. Is this a dead end? — It’s Complicated in the East

DEAR COMPLICATED: I have to wonder why, after a year, you are not in the process of being divorced. You also need some straight answers about what keeps this man under his wife’s thumb. The woman appears to have serious mental issues. Once you know, you will have a better idea of what to do.

DEAR ABBY: I was raised in a very strict household. At 19, I left home and never looked back. Today, I am 54, divorced and own my own home.

My mother passed away, and my father moved in with me a few months ago because he didn’t like living alone.

The problem is, he’s extremely traditional and refuses to change his way of thinking where I am concerned. In his eyes, I am still his child, and I should respect and abide by his rules.

I have a boyfriend who lives several miles away. When he visits, I would like him to spend the night with me in my room. My dad insists that my boyfriend sleep on the couch or in the guest bedroom. He has informed me that it is my choice, but if I don’t abide by his wishes , he will refuse to talk with my boyfriend.

I have told my father that I am a grown woman and that I refuse to give up my freedom to accommodate him in this area. How should I handle this? — All Grown Up in Arkansas

DEAR ALL GROWN: If you knuckle under to Dear Old Dad’s demands, you are making a big mistake. “Remind” him that you are no longer a little girl and if he cannot accept that you are an adult and be respectful to your boyfriend, he will no longer be welcome to live under your roof.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.