Is it awkward to offer a handkerchief ?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many years ago, I learned the usefulness of carrying an extra handkerchief to weddings and funerals. I now do so all the time, to help anyone caught unprepared.

It happens more often than you might expect. Sad movies, of course; cold season; the occasional allergy attack; and once, at my health club, a bloody nose. Once, a dinner companion with a cold brought tissues, but soon used her last.

I make the offer unobtrusively — “Would this help?” — and recipients have seemed grateful, but my wife says I am creating an awkward situation when I offer a handkerchief to a lady. She says the recipient then must wonder if she is meant to keep it, return the damp handkerchief immediately or a washed and ironed one later — and if so, how and where.

I never thought it was so complicated. On the rare occasion that I have been asked, I have simply said,

“No, it’s a gift.” My wife thinks I should carry tissues instead, but that seems rather impersonal and less thoughtful.

GENTLE READER: Tissues are indeed less personal and less thoughtful. The argument that a handkerchief is more complicated does not impress Miss Manners, given your artful solution of this modern Gordian knot. If you find you are handing out great supplies of handkerchiefs, you could also say, “Keep it as long as you need it,” which should be taken as a direction to return it laundered.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband of nearly 20 years has started a habit that is causing me a lot of embarrassment. When we go out to eat and he’s ready to go, but we have not received the check, he will stand up next to the table and prepare to leave.

He insists that the waiter should be paying attention and know that we are ready. I explain that it makes everyone around him uncomfortable.

GENTLE READER: Your husband has two goals: to get out quickly, and to demonstrate to the waiter — and the room generally — that the waiter is not doing his job.

The first is understandable. The second, being less kind, is not something to which your husband is likely to admit, which gives Miss Manners your solution: “Dear, if he did not notice that we have been sitting here for 15 minutes in front of empty plates, he is not going to understand your standing up.” You may then suggest that he ask the hostess — or another obvious, stationary representative of management — for the check.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.