Friends can help widower deal with loss

DEAR ABBY: My beautiful wife just passed away from ovarian cancer. She was 48 and my perfect life partner for 28 years. She meant everything to me. I didn’t have any hobbies or guy friends; all I ever wanted was to be with her.

I’m not asking for help with grief, as there is no getting over what happened. But I became so emotionally dependent on her that I find myself like an addict in withdrawal. Because of this, I’m afraid I will appear to be desperate if I even talk to another woman. I need someone in my life. I just don’t know how to get from hollow to whole again.

Please help me figure out how to let someone know I would be a good and faithful partner without hanging a sign around my neck that says “Desperate!” — In Need of Someone

DEAR IN NEED: Allow me to offer my deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved wife, but please don’t jump the gun. Before searching for another wife, it’s important you figure out the boundary between where you left off and your wife began.

While the closeness you shared was a special gift, I urge you to allow yourself time to heal from this great loss. Instead of searching for someone to fill the hole in your life, it would be healthier to look for friends. Friends are easy to talk to, and from friendships deeper relationships develop.

Explore activities that interest you, whether they be sports-related, continuing your education, the arts, volunteer work. If you get stuck, ask for a referral to a grief support group or a therapist. You WILL get through this, but it will take time.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, “Jay,” has a 14-year-old daughter who has been home-schooling during the quarantine, and she refuses to put pants on. When we ask her to, she gets upset. She isn’t built like the average teenager. Abby, she’s 5’10” and weighs 200 pounds, so it’s like seeing a grown woman in her underwear.

I think it’s inappropriate for a woman her age to be unwilling to dress herself fully, and I don’t like seeing her like that every time I go to their house. Jay doesn’t notice. He says it doesn’t bother him. I don’t feel it’s my place to dictate what she wears, but I’m uncomfortable. Help! — Didn’t Think I Was a Prude

DEAR DIDN’T: Someone has to have a talk with your fiance’s daughter about the fact she’s no longer a child; she is a young woman. The person to do that is her father. The message would be better coming from him, and it may help you avoid being perceived as the “wicked stepmother-to-be.”

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.