Wife trying to coax opinions from man
DEAR ABBY: This may seem strange, but my husband is too nice. His late mother, a domineering woman who always got her way, trained him not to have an opinion. Almost everything he says is crafted to be neutral so that nobody can possibly take issue with him.
We both have professional degrees and are in our early 30s. He lived with his parents through college. I have been on my own longer than he. I’ve told him I’m not like his mother was, and it’s safe for him to express his opinions. After two years of marriage, although I continue to solicit his opinion, not much has changed.
Abby, I am tired of being in charge of everything. I feel like I’m raising a very obedient child. I wanted an equal partner in marriage. How should I handle this? — Wife, Not Mother
DEAR WIFE: I am guessing you have had more than one conversation with your husband about this. There is a saying, “Give me a child ’til the age of 7, and he’s mine for life,” which references indoctrination. Your late motherin-law had her son under her roof for about 25 years, so his personality traits are pretty well cemented in. You might have better luck if you start phrasing your questions differently. But if that doesn’t work, you may have to accept the man you married just the way his mother made him.
DEAR ABBY: I am living with my fiancee, “Josie.” That we are a same-sex couple was hard for our families to come to terms with. (Mainly Josie’s mother.)
We are now planning a small courthouse wedding with a family dinner to follow a week later. We have made this clear to family and close friends, and nobody has taken issue with it. However, Josie’s mother thinks it “isn’t right” that we are inviting only parents to the ceremony and not siblings.
My mother is perfectly happy with all of our decisions and supportive with whatever we decide. How can we get my fiancee’s mother to be more supportive? — Wedding Drama in Pennsylvania
DEAR WEDDING DRAMA: It might be helpful to recognize that while your family is more accepting, Josie’s mother appears to be struggling on a couple of fronts. As many mothers do, she may have fantasized about a church wedding, helping her daughter select her bridal gown and having a son-inlaw. In a sense, she is grieving the death of her fantasy.
You and Josie are about to embark on your lives together. Let your happiness be the beacon that guides her mother to acceptance, although it may not happen as quickly as you would wish.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.