Skip individual birthday-wish replies
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m connected to many friends and acquaintances on social media. For my birthday, well over a hundred people posted their wishes publicly on my page.
While I would prefer more personal, private messages (which close friends indeed sent), I do appreciate the kindness, and hence make it a point to respond to every posted message with a brief, individual reply.
However, I noticed that this approach is fairly uncommon: Most people simply share a generic “Thanks, everyone, for all your wishes” post on their page shortly after the event.
What is the perfect way to thank a large group of people for their birthday wishes on social media?
GENTLE READER: One writes thank-you letters, in part, to recognize and reciprocate the effort exerted by a gift giver.
But although Miss Manners, like you, prefers good manners to efficiency, she recognizes that requiring an individual response to every low-exertion expression of goodwill in such a situation would crush the festive spirit of even the most committed birthday girl. Direct felicitations should be acknowledged, but the public nature of the greetings you describe allows for a group response.
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
Is it acceptable for visiting grown children to take food from their parents’ fridge without asking? Or is it more appropriate to ask, “May I take such-and-such?”
GENTLE READER: Likely, Justin and Jenna — who now have children of their own — fondly remember helping themselves to cheese slices while doing algebra homework.
But now those children are guests, so they should ask. Fond parents may wish to preempt this with a standing offer to help themselves, which fond children should reciprocate by periodically restocking the refrigerator.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife has had a very dear friend for many years. This friend’s son, of some age himself, was recently contacted by a child who said that he was his birth father.
How does one inform close friends and associates of this new addition to his family?
GENTLE READER: With associates, Miss Manners recommends a bold approach: that your wife’s friend introduce him as what he is — her son’s son from a previous relationship — while acting as though it is only she, not the father, with whom the boy was not previously acquainted.
Friends and family will require a less ambiguous explanation.
Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.