Boyfriend’s cheatin’ heart shows remorse
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of four years recently admitted that he cheated on me six months ago. I was blindsided. The hollowness and betrayal I feel is sometimes overwhelming.
He explained that at the time, he was dealing with substance issues and depression, which I was also unaware of. Both have worsened in recent months.
He says he’s heartbroken over the pain he’s caused me. He recently started receiving treatment for his depression through medication and therapy, and he has begged me to go to couples therapy to rebuild the trust that’s been lost.
I was taught to believe that cheating is the end of a relationship, no ifs, ands or buts. I don’t want to end the relationship, but I’m struggling with the decision because of what I was taught, especially when I confide in friends and they tell me to dump him.
Can a relationship survive such a betrayal? Can we be happy again? — Hollow in New York
DEAR HOLLOW: The answers to your questions are yes and yes — especially if both partners are fully committed and prepared to get couples therapy from a licensed professional. If you love this man and want to give this relationship a chance, quit confiding in your friends and start talking with the therapist. Your boyfriend is remorseful, he is also in treatment, and he is trying his best to get better and work things out. Please give him the opportunity to do that because, if you do, your story may have a happy ending.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old single woman living alone during quarantine. I have no family who live in-state.
Admittedly, I’ve struggled with loneliness during quarantine, and my family knows this. For weeks, I have been fending off my dad’s attempts to fly cross-country and visit. I don’t think it’s safe and have told him no.
Today, he told me that he is making plane reservations, it doesn’t matter what I say or want. I have been extremely careful in quarantine and he hasn’t. Is there a way I can keep this visit from happening? — Home Alone in Rhode Island
DEAR HOME ALONE:
Yes. Tell your father you are afraid of being exposed to the virus because he hasn’t been careful about exposure. If he still insists, tell him he must bring with him proof that he has tested negative, and even then you won’t see him unless you are both masked, gloved and practicing social distancing. He should also not plan on staying with you.