Cousin-marrying taboos worry woman
DEAR ABBY: I am recently divorced after a 19-year marriage, and to my great shock, I already find myself in love with another man. I didn’t come out of the marriage looking for anyone, nor did I think I’d ever marry again, but this man wants to marry me, and I’m seriously considering it.
We bonded when he contacted me to offer support after he heard about my divorce, and it was love at “second” sight. Why “second”? Because we grew up together — next door — and he’s my first cousin.
Despite the societal taboo, it is legal in my state for first cousins to marry, and genetic issues with offspring aren’t a concern. Am I crazy to think I’m in love again this quickly? How do we break it to the rest of the family? The world? People can be so judgmental. — Secret Love in the South
DEAR SECRET LOVE: You are not “crazy,” but you may be in an altered mental state, as many recently divorced people have found themselves. They describe it as a kind of high.
If you are wise, you will slow this romance down and allow enough time for your family to become accustomed to the changed circumstances of your relationship with your cousin. The “world” isn’t going to care about this the way your family does, so don’t concern yourself with explaining anything to the general public.
My advice is to let this new relationship evolve more slowly. If you do, the outcome may be more positive.
DEAR ABBY: I have the best wife and daughter ever, and here’s my dilemma. My daughter lives in another state and would love us to build a second home nearby.
My wife and I are nearly 80 and very active. I play tennis or pickleball every day. My wife walks an hour every morning. We are happiest when we are active. Where my daughter lives is not conducive to walking.
Please don’t suggest a gym or a treadmill. Plus, my wife has no desire to take on the added burden of a second house. How do I keep the two women in my life happy? — Figuring it Out in Florida
DEAR FIGURING: Recognize that it won’t be possible to make both women happy. Your first loyalty should be to your wife.
Explain to your daughter that you know she means well, but that at your ages, your routine is extremely important. (It’s true.) That routine may be what keeps you as healthy as you are. Back it up with the fact that two homes would be too much for you and her mother to manage, which is why you have both decided — as much as you love her — to keep things as they are.