Dance with ex-fiancee still angers wife
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were married 30 years when we ran into an old girlfriend (and ex-fiancee) of mine at a function. I spent a good part of the evening dancing with her and ignoring my wife. My wife says I was “indecent” with the girlfriend, and it hurt her badly.
It was 20 years ago, but my wife lets me hear about it every day. I can’t take it any longer. She refuses to get help or forgive me. Our marriage has gone downhill ever since. What do you recommend I do? — Past Isn’t in the Past
DEAR PAST: Your performance at that function must have been deeply humiliating to your wife. Was your regrettable behavior with your ex-fiancee a one-time thing or has it happened since?
You stated this happened 20 years ago and you have attempted to make amends. Unless there’s more to this story than you have written, it appears your wife enjoys carrying a grudge and punishing you.
Please quit allowing her to continue to punish you.
Get counseling if you need to, and offer her the option of counseling again. Understand that if she refuses, you have important decisions to make about your future.
DEAR ABBY: My husband’s mother passed away recently after a long illness. She lived in another state. He couldn’t be there while she was sick or when she died because he was also ill. He carries a lot of guilt about it.
I saw a cellphone message from her before she died, saying she was dying and asking him to come help her. I deleted it because hearing it would have put added stress on him and made him sicker. Now I feel guilty. Should I keep quiet or confess? He still is not well. — Guilty Daughter-in-law
DEAR GUILTY: You made a rational choice for a solid reason. If you feel you must “confess,” disclose it to your spiritual adviser or someone you can trust who is closer to you than I am.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been dating my widower boyfriend for four years, and for my birthday this year he gave me an inexpensive tea kettle. (I don’t drink tea.) I had been hinting that I would love a piece of fine jewelry because I have never received anything like that from him. Should I say something? I feel sad and unappreciated. — Anonymous in Michigan
DEAR ANONYMOUS:
You appear to be involved with someone who has little imagination or is frugal to a fault. Tell your widower boyfriend how you felt about receiving a kettle. Then, instead of hinting, educate him about the items on your wish list when your next birthday rolls around.