Grieving widower’s letter elicits advice
DEAR ABBY: Your advice to the grieving widower “In Need of Someone” was spot on. I met my husband when I was 14. We married at 18, and he died when he was 44. After his death, I had no idea how to be a person because I had always been a partner.
In the early years, I cried every day and was searching, like “In Need,” to fill that empty spot in my life. Then one day, I started figuring out what to do about the other holes in my life.
I had not been the breadwinner, so my income was poverty-level. I had no college and not a lot of work experience. I knew if I was going to be able to keep my house and put my kids in college, I had to work on these other holes. In the process of school, working three jobs and keeping up with life, I realized I had never thought about what was important to me.
Your advice is so true. Volunteer. Get a part-time job doing something you like or a job that will just give you someone to talk to. Go to a support group, go to a church, but do not get into a serious relationship, because if you do, you will go from one dependent situation to another. — Shelly in Illinois
DEAR SHELLY: Thank you for sharing the life lessons. Others also responded to encourage “In Need”:
DEAR ABBY: I lost my husband after 30 years together. I’m still working on getting “from hollow to whole,” as “In Need” wrote. Your advice that he should “figure out the boundary between where you left off and your wife began” is an important insight. It’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do.
I’m working on becoming whole again. “In Need” should do the same. — Tammy in Oregon
DEAR ABBY: “In Need” should get some hobbies.
If I met a nice person and was considering pursuing a relationship and I found out he had no hobbies, no outside interests or friends beyond his late spouse, I would be gone. — Nancy in New Mexico
DEAR ABBY: After my wife died, I joined Widowed Information and Consultation Services. It was a wonderful way to be with others who had lost their mates, and it helped me realize I wasn’t the only one going through this.
Also, I decided to say
“yes” to any invitations from friends to join them for dinner or a social gathering. Being around others helped to stave off the loneliness. — Robert in Washington
DEAR ABBY: “In Need” should consider adopting a pet, a dog or cat, that will love him unconditionally. Because of my pets, I am never alone, always loved and have creatures who depend on me. — Michael in the Midwest