Spouse’s rude habits drive wife up wall
DEAR MISS MANNERS: As my husband grows older, he is becoming increasingly feral with his eating habits.
We usually enjoy our meals together at the table, but of late, he has abandoned all forms of dining etiquette. He uses his cutlery as if knives and forks were garden instruments. He slurps, grunts, chews loudly and smacks his lips.
When I question him about these habits, he tells me that there is no need to display any niceties, as it is only the two of us. He claims he knows how to behave in polite company. Not only is it insulting and off-putting, I fear that one day he might forget himself in this “polite company” that apparently does not include me.
GENTLE READER: While for some, the pandemic has only reinforced the absurd notion that one does not have to be polite to the people with whom one lives, Miss Manners has noticed that the rising divorce rate during it proves otherwise.
You may be able to get away without shoes while being housebound, but you cannot forgo respect. And the contention that one would pull oneself together for company is not a defense. Perhaps you can suggest that until your husband can display good manners, you will be dining elsewhere.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My person and I got married last January. It was an intimate, last-minute, courthouse affair with five friends, who we then shared the weekend with in Palm Springs to celebrate. My now-husband and I dated for 12 years, so this was not a shock to anyone. We are in our early 50s.
Is it too late to do a registry? People are still asking what we want for a present, and I tell them we have everything we need . But even now, seven months later and during COVID-19, friends who are just learning that we got married ask where we are registered.
What if I did an “in lieu of ” and asked for donations to a cause?
GENTLE READER: Asking people to donate to a cause of your choosing is not a present. Unfortunately, you must continue to politely demur and find other ways to spread positive news and good cheer.
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
Is it acceptable to post a death notice of one’s spouse online?
GENTLE READER: An obituary is more formal — with personal phone calls made by you, or friends and family, to people who are close. Miss Manners acknowledges that this is less efficient than social media posts, but she maintains that it is also more dignified.