Woman hurt to be kept at arm’s length

DEAR ABBY: I have spent years trying to have a close relationship with my older sister, but it is clearly not a priority for her. We are very different people, but I was hoping our shared history and family bond would be enough for her to prioritize me and my son. We come from a very small family on both sides and, one day, we will be some of the few remaining family members.

I haven’t heard from her in months during the pandemic, which has been hurtful. She once told me that the only things she cares about are her own son and her dogs.

Growing up, she was jealous of me, but I thought things would be different after I struggled with a divorce and other life stressors. I received no support from her during my divorce. Should I expect that we will ever have a closer relationship or just accept that it won’t happen? — Hurt in Alabama

DEAR HURT: If your description of your sister is accurate, she has drawn a tight circle around herself that she doesn’t want breached.

You stated that the two of you are very different people, but on some level you haven’t allowed yourself to accept what that means. You will be hurt less once you accept that your fantasy of closeness with her will never happen.

DEAR ABBY: I recently separated from my husband of 16 years. He is an alcoholic who refuses to seek help. He can’t hold a job or help with household expenses when he does work.

We have been separated for five months, and he feels that I “owe” him another chance. I gave him warning after warning for six years — and there was no change. I continue to tell him repeatedly that I have moved on and I’m tired. Things got so bad I eventually had a mental breakdown and had to seek professional help.

I’m in a new relationship, and I have never been so happy. My husband threatens this new man and calls him names. I’m in the process of filing for divorce, but he makes me feel I am obligated to give him the chance to make things right. Am I wrong for wanting to move on? — End of My Rope in Nevada

DEAR END: No, you are not! You have suffered enough, so do not backtrack. You are not obligated to give your alcoholic husband more time than you have already devoted. If you allow him to wear you down, there will only be more of what you have already experienced. (If you are even tempted, call your therapist!).

That he refuses to seek treatment speaks volumes. If you and the new man in your life feel threatened, file a police report.