Who should be mentioned in obituary?
Both of my parents died fairly recently at ripe old ages (90 and 98). As the writer in the family, I collected relevant information, drafted both of their obituaries and asked my siblings to review them and make suggestions. I have also been asked to write obituaries for several of my friends’ family members.
I regularly read the obits published in newspapers and online to get ideas on how to make these important memorials interesting, informative and meaningful.
Being in my 60s, I decided to draft my own obituary to make things easier for my husband and children when I eventually die. I have been honored and privileged to be designated as godmother of four people — all children of various close friends.
I have taken this responsibility seriously, and except for one instance where the mother’s erratic behavior made it impossible, I have been involved and
JUDITH MARTIN
supportive throughout my godchildren’s lives. They are all now adults, and we have very cordial relationships.
Would it be proper to mention my godchildren in my obituary? What would be a good way to phrase it?
An obituary traditionally includes only those who are directly related or who assume that status through marriage. While it is gracious of you to want to include your godchildren, it would be still more gracious to tell them now how much they mean to you.
Otherwise, Miss Manners fears that your obituary will look like a lengthy acceptance speech, thanking everyone who touched your life for getting you where you are today — well, not the “today” of the obituary, but before your demise. This is a hazard of writing your own obituary.
A question for you about living rooms: A family sits down in the living room after dinner and everyone takes out a book to read. Everyone is silent except for one person, who is being very loud and rambunctious. Finally, one person, fed up with the noise, asks them to please stop or go elsewhere. Who is being rude?
Is the rambunctious person trying to make conversation? Or protesting reading time in favor of family togetherness? In either case, Miss Manners suggests that the terms of the living room’s use should be made clear on any given evening. Otherwise, it should be renamed the library — and another room designated for more verbal activity. 1 Heart or
essence 5 Execs
8 Fence flaw 11 Edible bulb 13 Jackie’s
tycoon 14 “Shogun”
apparel 15 The blahs 16 Wrathful
feeling 17 Ike’s rank 18 Bona fide 20 Wild
disturbances 22 Juicy pears 24 Top-left PC
key
25 Old horse 26 Sweeping,
as a story 28 Was acquainted with 32 California’s
Fort — 33 Bros, e.g. 34 Long past 35 Sneak a look 37 Moreno or
Rudner 39 1040 agcy. 40 Best or
Ferber 41 Ms. Dinesen 42 Collection 43 Not hither 45 Agreed with 47 Principle 50 Data unit 51 Convened 52 Festive night 54 Honolulu
hello 58 Business
abbr. 59 Slangy lady 60 Monsieur’s
gesture 61 Morse code
word 62 Miscellany 63 Kappa
preceder 1 “The Raven”
author 2 Rustic hotel 3 Metal in
bronze 4 College
credits 5 Snail — 6 Watchdog’s
warning 7 Levels 8 Kind of dancer (hyph.) 9 Aid and — 10 Brooches 12 Sister’s
daughters 19 Headache
remedy 21 Gooey 22 Unveiled 23 Utah city 24 Sheer joy 25 Slangy
refusal 27 Sacred bird
of the Nile 29 Disturbing
sound 30 Dropped the
ball 31 Frontier,
once 36 Boxer’s
punch 38 Curly-tailed
dogs 44 Greek alphabet ender 46 Metropolis
of India 47 Surrounded
by
48 Lucy
Lawless role 49 Prickly
sensation 50 Mr. Lugosi 53 Moving
truck
55 Gold, in Peru 56 Lean-to 57 Ottoman
title