Informing boss you’re moving on not easy

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I was in my previous job for almost seven years, working under a boss who wasn’t the best.

He was temperamental, and told me I was “too smart to promote” despite years of loyal service. When COVID hit, an opportunity came my way to move into a new role and a new department within the company.

I asked the hiring manager multiple times when I should notify my boss, and was either brushed off or told that she would approach him at the right time.

I got the offer (yay!) but the next morning found out my old team was going to be restructured, which ultimately meant people would be laid off. Not wanting to look like I was bragging about my luck, I didn’t tell a lot of people on the team about my new role.

I later found out that no one ever contacted my boss, and he found out at the same time he learned of the restructure/layoff. He told other co-workers that his feelings were hurt.

Now I’m unsure how to address this. He’s the first manager I’ve had since graduating from college, so I imagine I’ll need him as a reference at some point. I also feel I owe him a bit of loyalty for taking a chance on me. I worry about the impact this may have on my professional relationship.

GENTLE READER: One of the unpleasant, but unavoidable, requirements of leaving a job is telling the boss that you are going.

Miss Manners does not make an exception for moves within a company — or for an inattentive hiring manager who foolishly promised to relieve you of the burden.

Tell your boss that you appreciate his taking a chance on you when you were just starting out; that you will always benefit from what you learned working for him; and that you want to apologize for not saying something to him at the time.

Then flatter him: You are, as he knows, inexperienced in changing jobs, and it was painful to think that you might be disappointing him. If you do this right, whatever recommendation you eventually get from him may even be better than the one he would have written if you had given him fair warning.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What kind of lesson do students learn when teachers dress in gym clothes, blue jeans, spandex tights or bosom-revealing tops?

Teachers need a strong reminder, from their administrations and school boards, that dressing appropriately and professionally models an important life lesson for our youth.

GENTLE READER: OK.