Friend’s ‘How are you?’ is conditional
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
An old friend of mine has recently developed what I consider to be a disrespectful habit. Each time we speak, he prefaces the conversation with, “How’s everything going? Except for work, that is,” suggesting that I spend too much time on the subject, which I don’t. I hardly ever mention my job, but even if I had, so what?
I never place any restrictions on his part of the conversation — even though his ages-long drama with his quirky in-laws bores me to tears. How do I kindly tell him that I’ll talk about what I like?
GENTLE READER: “Oh, no. Is work not going well for you?”
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
A friend just invited me and another friend to dinner, but did not specify a time or date. She just said she wanted to eat dinner with us “next week.” She then proceeded to ask us, via a lengthy text chat, what day and time we’d like to go.
We both responded. She then asked us what restaurant we would suggest.
Not wanting to be rude, I suggested two places, and she asked me to make the reservation.
However, there was no availability at either place in the middle of the week — presumably because it took four days of discussion via text, including wait times for people to respond, to even get to this point in the plan.
She has now asked for more suggestions, presumably to have others do the legwork again. I’ve claimed ignorance in not knowing any other restaurants, so now the other invited guest is doing the research.
Is it poor manners to suggest a dinner out, then expect other people to do the planning and reserving?
GENTLE READER: Resist weighing in until a decision is made — at which point you can accept or not, just as you would to a regular invitation. Miss Manners realizes that this system may well put the burden on your hapless friends, but in the tedious game of “Where shall we go to dinner?” it is all texters for themselves.
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I have been having a house built over the past year and a half, and it’s almost done. I would like to throw a party for everyone who had a hand in this, especially since the pandemic has been throwing a curve in the process.
Would it be appropriate to have an “open house” party? If so, what would constitute an acceptable menu?
GENTLE READER: Any food whose preparation does not require the guests — who had a hand in building this house — to have to go back to work for you.