Host doesn’t need to disrupt her life

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister and parents are going to come visit us and stay for three nights.

I was told very bluntly by my sister that I need to have empty drawer space and hanging space for their clothes.

We live in a 200-year-old farmhouse and have very little closet space and storage space. I have put my things in the guest room dresser for that reason. Our only closet is also in the guest room and is already quite packed with our clothes.

I agree, it is nice to have a place to unpack and store your clothes when staying somewhere, but is it expected? My sister even went so far as to tell me that I needed to get rid of some of my things to make room for guests.

They visit about every two or three years. I find this infuriating, to be honest. I am not running a B&B or a hotel. I thought the purpose of visiting family was to enjoy each other’s company, not to make demands about your accommodations. Am I wrong to feel upset by this? GENTLE READER:

Most hosts do not have a bedroom and bathroom that can sit entirely empty in anticipation of company, but this does not make them bad hosts. A hostess should make guests feel welcome, which means as comfortable as reasonably possible.

Herein lies the trouble. How much must the hostess inconvenience herself? In the situation you describe, emptying an entire closet — when there is not a second closet in the house — may be too much to ask. But a little drawer space and a place to hang a few items does not seem unreasonable.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who is moving to the East Coast. They will keep their current job, mostly working remotely, but will still need to travel back here to visit their office fairly frequently.

They asked me if they could come and stay at my house, for weeks at a time, when they need to be close to the office.

I didn’t respond, but was horrified at the request, not only because I am working full-time and have a number of commitments, which their presence would no doubt compromise, but because having someone living with me for weeks is simply not in my best interest.

What can I say to this friend to avert this potential disaster?

GENTLE READER: What can you say? “No.”

Miss Manners would have thought the problem was how to say it, to which she would have answered: with a decisive tone dripping with sympathy and regret, no excuses needed.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.