Seeking resolution to missing bonuses

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been at my new job nearly two years, and I sincerely enjoy what I do. When I was originally hired, the benefits made my decision to switch jobs much easier. I receive a regular hourly salary and yearly raise, and the other incentive was a quarterly bonus based on commissions.

The first two bonuses came as promised, but the third bonus was never received, even though my numbers were higher than ever. The fourth bonus, again, was not received, though my numbers were still high. Now I’m nearly due for my fifth bonus, and I’m afraid this one will not be honored, either.

The confusing part is that my employer will make remarks like, “Oh, I need to get your bonus to you.” So he is remembering them, but does not follow through.

I don’t know how to kindly ask my employer why he hasn’t given me my last two. Where I’m from, it’s considered rude to question such things, but not only are my numbers consistently high, I really do go above the call of duty.

GENTLE READER: Although she does not know where you come from, Miss Manners doubts that, even there, it is considered rude to count your earnings — or insulting to correct a payroll error.

It’s simply another transaction that the business wants — needs — to get right, making you the good employee. Tell him you really would like to check off this year’s bonuses and ask what you can do to facilitate things.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I go to a weekly drop-in fitness class where some of the students have been attending for years. I myself have attended for years, but on and off.

There is one group of about eight younger people in the class who have become good friends outside of class. I always see photos online of their get-togethers, and I sort of wish they would invite me.

Recently, when we were all sitting around after class, they started talking about a little party they had at one of their homes. This went on for at least 15 minutes.

Was this rude of them? GENTLE READER: You cannot invite yourself to someone else’s party, no matter how much seniority you have.

But as these young people are rude enough to discuss plans that do not include everyone present, Miss Manners would not have thought this was a great loss. She does suggest absenting yourself before 15 minutes have elapsed, as it will spare you the humiliation of being excluded, and might even make them reconsider their own behavior.