Parent ponders changing table decorum

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I both have babies. When I was at her house and needed to change my baby’s diaper, I asked if I could use her baby’s changing table. She seemed a little surprised, but said yes. I used my own diapers and wipes, and made sure to leave the area very clean. When I got home, I began to worry that asking to use another baby’s changing station was a faux pas. Thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That any alternative would have been a far more unpleasant surprise. Nevertheless, Miss Manners suggests that next time you ask your baby to hold it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the particularly dark and dreary days of winter, I invited two couples to our home for an evening of chili and board games. I planned to serve an excellent white chicken chili that won my company’s chili cook-off.

One of the couples took time to ask me if I was seriously planning to serve beans. I tried to explain to the wife that it was my award-winning chili and that she would love it.

I served a lasagna instead and vowed never to invite these rude people to my home again. I think the only appropriate response to a dinner invitation is to accept or decline. The only exception is if there is a dietary condition that must be accommodated. Am I right, or am I being sensitive?

GENTLE READER: Having declared your menu ahead of time, you were under no obligation to change it. If they did not wish to eat beans, they could have declined. But Miss Manners agrees with your determination not to give them that chance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband was out of town, so I had an extra ticket to a play. I asked a lovely friend of mine to go with me, and we had a wonderful time. After the play, she bought dinner at a nice restaurant for both of us. Do I owe her a thank-you note for the dinner? I have not received a note from her for the play, and I don’t want my note to come across as, “Hey, where is MY thankyou?”

GENTLE READER: You may consider things even, if that is the goal. But Miss Manners urges her readers not to think of a thank-you letter as transactional. You may easily write this one without it being a reprimand: “I so enjoyed going to the play with you, and thank you for the lovely dinner afterwards. Here’s hoping we can do it again sometime soon.”

And then either of you may issue the next invitation, out-of-town husbands notwithstanding.